Yesterday marked the day in the year where we rejoice in the 'wonderful' creation that are pancakes.
We, apparently, all love the imaginatively-named cake cooked in a pan, and it seems only fitting that we spend much of our time in the lead-up to Shrove Tuesday planning what toppings we're going to have and when we're going to eat them.
We also have to put up with the bragging about how many pancakes people can eat in one sitting.
Well, I have to tell you I am completely out of sync with the idea as I, for one, detest pancakes. To me, they're just omelettes gone terribly wrong. Then again I am, and always will be, a fussy eater.
I'm the type of person that will smuggle a packed lunch to a sleepover and insist to the host(ess) that I'm really not hungry just to avoid the embarrassment of saying "no" to a whole list of possible meals I could eat whilst staying there.
I'm the type of person who makes awkward requests at restaurants i.e. "the chicken burger without the sauce" or "can I exchange the caviar for fish fingers with my meal".
I'm the type of person who will go to a restaurant, look at the menus and then order chicken nuggets from the Kids' menu.
Hence, I thought it might be an idea to publish all the popular foods that I love to hate and see if anyone agrees with me.
1) Pancakes
As previously argued, they are omelettes gone wrong. They were created by someone who wanted to make a Yorkshire Pudding but got the ingredient consistency all wrong. They're flat, floppy and particularly horrible when coated with sugar and syrup as seems to be tradition. I am one of few to think that, but no matter how popular they are, they're certainly not so special to deserve a day named after them. Now, Fried Chicken Day sounds much better.
2) Gravy
The smell and the look are nothing short of revolting. It was born out of the desire to create artificial mud. Why we find the need to drench our lovely roast dinners in dirty, thick water I will never know. I certainly don't want a soggy dinner. I would also prefer not to have my peas floating around on the plate on top of the fact that non-gravy dinners are much less messy; no spillage, more thrillage.
3) Pizza
Bread, cheese and tomato sauce. That sounds like a perfect combination and it works for me in a sandwich/toastie or in a pasta dish. However our beloved margherita just ticks all the wrong boxes for me. I seriously don't get the appeal. I know this will be a shocking addition on the list but pizza is just a concept that gathers reasonably sounding fusions and make them horrible.
4) Sweet and Sour Sauce
"Hello there, I'd like to order a takeaway please ... Could I have Sweet and Sour Chicken, without the sauce please?" This phrase makes me cringe every time I say it but it just has to be said. Otherwise, the only reason I would eat a Chinese meal would be for Egg Fried Rice. Again, the smell and the taste of it makes it wasteful when pouring it all over some lovely battered chicken. The name is just wrong as well. I mean, Sweet AND Sour? Make your mind up. It's neither of those anyway. It should be called Sticky and Red and Horrible Sauce.
5) Strawberries
I love fruit in general and I love Strawberry yoghurt. In fact, I love the taste of Strawberries. So, why have I put it on the list? Because of the texture. I am just repulsed by those great, big, lumpy seeds that cover the surface of what is a very nice fruit. Every time my senses are made aware of their presence, I cringe and wince. A great shame.
6) Caramel
This horror goes back to when I was six years old. I remember this vividly. I was presented with a Caramel Freddo, thinking it was just a normal Freddo chocolate bar. I, innocently, took a fairly large bite (probably decapitating poor Freddo) and soon after I coughed and spluttered out the chewed-up gunk. I have since avoided caramel at all costs to this day.
7) Salt and Vinegar crisps
Again, I have always hated them. I was very young (pre-five) and my parents and I were at the pub across the road. I was happily consuming a packet of Ready Salted with a Panda Pop and straw in hand, when there was huge pressure put on me to try Salt and Vinegar Crisps. I refused. Their main argument was that there was no difference between the two flavours. There was and I could tell as much! Their tactic was to fool me and win the argument by putting one salt and vinegar crisp into my Ready Salted packet whilst I was distracted. They thought I would eat the crisp without complaint and therefore prove that I liked them. Let's just say they failed.
8) Beef
This isn't necessarily a strange pick considering billions across the world choose not to eat it. But it is rather odd to dislike it in Britain, especially, as it rules out meals such as: lasagne, meatballs, spaghetti bolognese, cheese burgers, cottage pie and surprisingly roast beef. I also dislike lamb.
9) Bacon
I've left this one until last because I had hated it for 18 years. But in the last few months, I've started to rather like it - but only when eaten with other food so I am not exposed to its full flavour. However, I have since decided not to eat it as it had caused me some terrible stomach pains. It's safe to say that my journey with bacon has certainly been a roller-coaster.
Comments